Memories.


A head rose from the shadows

and a million thoughts followed

Questions surround him

as a grim smile crossed his lips.

As the past crashed into memories

the moments set him apart.

As the past came back to life

the pain jostled through the soul.

A grim smile appeared once again

world did not need another man in grief

all it required was a smile.

To comfort. To help. To feel joy again.

Alas!

One cannot smile forever.

.


Yes I miss you.
No I can’t have you.
Yes I still love you.
No I still can’t have you.
There is too much pain
Too less to gain.
I stare at our chats for hours together,
Reminisce the beautiful days.
Alas. They are no longer.

I still want to talk to you everyday.
I still want to know every single thing.
But now somehow, it only causes pain in me.

I am at the point of life where I am so used to the pain in me that anything apart feels disturbing sometimes.

Hoping for best.
A teenager.

Stupid somethings.


And so another sleepless night went past by me yesterday. Thinking about stuff again and again makes me feel weird about it and I don’t exactly understand how I feel about it. Sometimes it is all about the love thing (bleckhh), sometimes it is about all those decisions I have made till date which I can now never change. Though sleep is one of my very best friends, somehow it always leaves me alone in times like this. Crooked up in the corner of my room hugging a pillow, I try to calm myself down by Bryan Adams or by the soothing guitars of Eagles. Though some peace is attained, the thoughts never stop to pour and brainwash my mind, and I am left staring into this blank abyss of nothing. Siiiigh. So trying to avoid this loneliness, I went to YouTube and somehow ended up watching the deeply romantic videos of WongFu productions. Siiiiiiiigh. Such lovey-dovey stories can only happen in movies or so. Though I was spellbound by how amazing the videos were. (You should totally check them out), I start to think of my life in that grey area again. 😛

 

After hours of non-stop pondering over the grey area, my devious thoughts take me to the present time of my life. They tell me again how awkward and lonely it is out there. Some days I end up wishing so much about the good ol days of my life returning back, but well no point in dreaming about stuff that isn’t going to happen ever. Everyday somehow I feel like I am running away from some kind of present reality  in me. Something tells me that maybe I am not ready to face it and thus hiding away. I wish I could know what that certain reality is. I remember watching White Collar, in a particular scene, Neal tells Dana about how he used to run away from his past because he was too coward to face it and the only way he could stop himself from becoming a mental patient was to stop it and be strong enough to face the reality. Maybe I am in the same position of course minus the costly suits and his looks but I guess I just need to stop running around so much.

Today also while talking to mom, she was saying that I should restart wearing a certain kind of moti again, it will help me keep sane. Mom bought me this certain moti(pearl) before I started college, it was supposed to take control over my emotions by some astronomical arrangements or what. I don’t understand one bit of it, still I did wear it. Maybe now I think it might help me along. Let’s see.

 

Ohh, how I wish I could just go out and hug Negi or Ritvik and rant it out to them. 😛 But I choose to spam my readers instead. 😀
Yesterday night, I had a companion who I could talk to. I know I could tell her every single thing of my life and she would probably even understand me, but sometimes I just wonder, do people even care about other’s stuff? Why would they even bother with my problems, maybe they already have enough of their own. These things stop me from speaking my heart out and I just keep everything bottled up within myself. Though I know one day it all going to blast out, but till then I’d like to keep all of my things to myself only. There are enough problems in the world already. One less might help. 😛 (YES, this is my idea of saving the world.) 😀

I guess, now I better stop now. 😀 Feels nice to write out/ take out stuff you had in yourself for weeks/months. 🙂

Keep reading. 🙂

In my life


Hearts have been broken.

Lies have been told.

Some memories have left their scar.

A nostalgic smile barely comes

along with the morning star.

Pain and tragedy have gone by

only to be replaced with shades of happiness and smile.

Crying faces and sobbing noises have said their good-bye

as I walk along this path filled with ups and downs

In my life.

 

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